Problems of caregivers Part 1

 

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From: hemant thakkar [mailto:hemantat@hotmail.com]
Sent: Sunday, June 22, 2008 3:54 AM
To: expert@poornamwellness.com
Subject: RE: Problems of caregivers Part 1

 

Hi Hitesh,

Please fully read and EDIT the contents of this email before forwarding it to Mr.Alok. I am writing it in a slightly strong language with you as the reader in mind. So, you decide how you want to present it to Mr.Alok.

Firstly, I acknowledge the commitment of the family members to support the caregiver and also empathise with the practical complexities of the situation.

The way I see it, the caregiver needs some respite. When I say respite, I am not talking about few hours a day, I am talking about a complete respite from caring for that person for anything between 3-10 days. I am not sure how the system works in India , but here, they have what they call as respite care centres. So, the way that works is, if a family member is caring for an elderly or disabled member of the family, every now and again depeding upon the individual circumstances of the family, the person who needs care will spend some days in the respite care centre where qualified staff provide them with the full care. That way, it gives the caregiver in the family some time to unwind, relax, catch up with their social commitments, and just spend some time with themselves. If for some reason, it is not possible for the family to send the person needing care to the respite centre, other option is the centre will send staff to the house of the person for what they call as 'home-based-respite'. In this situation, often the primary caregiver goes out of the house for few days, either to a friend's place or on a small holiday to relax and regain their strength. It is really important that the caregiver gets such break every so often especially when caring for a person who needs ongoing long-term care. I insist that the break of just a few hours during a day is not enough. The caregiver needs to physically be away from the person he/ she is caring for. It is vital to the sanity of the caregiver. Also, just a one-off respite is also not enough. The respite should be available at a regular interval throught the care of the person. If there is no such external full time help available, one of the other family members might have to take some days off to give the primary caregiver some respite. Career is important, but probably not more important than the sanity of your family member/s.

As to the father (I assume he also must be in his 80's), why would you want to put him through any sort of course at this stage.  His frustration is quiet understandable. I hear that he gets angry on the caregiver and the other family members, but in some ways it is his anger towards himself, towards his inability to care for his own partner, which he is taking out on others. So long as all the other family members are together on this and are not blaming anybody for the mother's ill health, I don't think father's anger should be their worry. Their focus should be more on the health of the mother and the caregiver, rather than how to deal with father's anger. I know it is easier said than done, but so long as father is not getting physically aggressive towards anybody, he can be safely ignored - i.e. let him do his daily dose of verbal abuse, whilst you train your ears to take them from one end and take it out the other. Make sure that the father's all other needs are met and he has resources available to occupy himself, such as TV, newspaper or whatever else he likes to do. If father is not spending most of the time in the same room as his ill wife, thats even better. If he is physically witnessing the care given by his daughter-in-law all the time, of course, he is going to find faults with it and get angry. If he is in a separate room, even the caregive will be more mentally free and can do her work without the psuchological pressure of being observed all the time.

I honestly, don't know how strongly the family feels for each other, but in some cases, placing the elderly person in a decent rest home, where all their cares can be met by professional staff, is not a bad option after all. I know our samaj says that 'maa-baap buddha thai gaya etle kaadhi mukya', but samaj is not there to see what you are going through. You can still visit the person on a regular basis, and even bring them home every now and again for family functions. So, the family together needs to decide what is best for them keeping in mind that you don't want the person loaded with full time care to fall ill or even worse loose their mental balance.

I am not sure how much of above will be useful to Mr.ALok and his family.

Let me know if I can be of any further help.

Ta
Hemant

 

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Subject: Problems of caregivers Part 1

 

Dear Doctors,

Namaskar.

Pl. note that my mother 82 yrs is ill.Caregiving to a bed ridden person and then receiving guests who call on such occassion over and above cooking for six persons ( and gusets if any) is itself tremendous job.Though we have now kept bai for 24 hours and we ( myself, and my dentist daughter and Engineer son besides my staff) too try to assist her but ultimte load is on her as during day time we attend to our career. My wife has been doing that all along while even her own parents are not well.My wife and son have done even cleaning my mother , her clothes,bed  and floor drenched in potty and urine and remained awake whole night when required ( when bai was not there or is absent) . Ispite of all this my father has been unhappy with everything we do . Every now and then angrily he fires us specially my wife. blames us saying we are responsible for her health. My eldest sister ( Director: Makers labs. Ltd., our family friend and doctor Shri Satish Gupta ( MD) and some others have tried to reason out with him but all in vain.]

 

The care giver needs some change of mind, relaxation and appriciation.Others in family and friends and neighbourhood can atleast work to give happy and light environment or atleast not spoil same and demotivate caregivers.But my father ( though very learned, simple and gandhian) does exactly opposite.

Dear All,

How can we handle this situation? Can he be treated for anger management?

How do we over come this situation? Everyone always advise us to bear with all this while they have never taken care of their  own ailing parents and parents in law.Newspapers/ society are just talking of problems of senior citizens ( and I am running a whole organisation known as Varishtha Nagrik Seva Sanstha having 150 members for last four years inspite of not being a senior citizen myself) and no one is talking of problem of care givers.However in USA there are groups and sites for welfare and advise of caregivers.I want our media and social organisations to take note of my point of view and highlight the other side of story too. 

Gist of info on one of the site is given here:

 

Entertainment, Entertaining and Travel

Boredom can sap our intellect and spirit, but you can change this by creating activities that you and your care receiver look forward to and by sharing these with others. There are many activities that frail and disabled older people can enjoy. You can:

• Check the TV listings and choose your favorite programs to watch each day rather than having the TV going nonstop.
• Get large print and talking books from the library and read together.
• Check for special events that are low-cost or free. Invite a friend or family member to join you, preferably one who can drive or help you if your care receiver has a disability.
• Go out to lunch or the early-bird specials at restaurants.
• Visit an art-hobby store and see what is available in the way of arts or crafts projects that you and your care receiver can enjoy.
• Invite family or friends over for dinner or lunch. If you have limited funds to entertain or do not have time to prepare food have them over for dessert or snacks, ask each of them to bring something, or to chip in on a carryout meal.
• Plan day trips to local places of interest. Again invite a friend or family member to join you.
• If you can afford to do so, go on a vacation. You can share the adventure and expense with other family members or friends. Many places offer senior discounts. Make sure that they can accommodate your needs, especially if your care receiver is disabled. Large hotel and motel chains now go out of their way to help, if you make your needs known to them. In addition, there are companies and organizations that plan trips for persons with limitations in their mobility. Many travel books have special sections on accommodations, travel, and activities for those with limited mobility.
• If you have the room, invite friends or family members to come and stay with you for awhile in your home.
• Check colleges, religious organizations, and community centers for free courses and other activities.
• Visit museums, galleries, botanical and zoological parks or a petting zoo.
• If appropriate, get a pet. Your local shelter or humane society has many nice pets available for adoption.
• Get a computer with Internet access so that you can e-mail friends, join in chat rooms, learn about things that are of interest to you, and enjoy computer games.
• Ask your local Area Agency on Aging about friendly visitor, volunteer, and telephone reassurance programs.
• Many fraternal, religious, and social organizations have activities specifically for older people. This can be a great way to extend your circle of friends and supportive network.
   

 

 

Don't forget to care for yourself. Here
are a few tips:
When it comes to their health, caregivers
are less likely than their peers to take steps
to prevent or control chronic disease.
Taking care of your own health will help you
to better care for your loved one longer.
• Be wise – immunize.
o Influenza (flu) vaccine: The
CDC recommends that
caregivers of the elderly get one
each year.
o Pneumococcal vaccination: For
most caregivers, one will last a
lifetime.
o Tetanus booster: Get one every
ten years.
• Don't neglect your health.
o Get a yearly check-up and the
recommended cancer
screenings (mammogram,
cervical screening, etc.).
o Tell your doctor that you are a
caregiver.
o Tell your doctor if you feel
depressed or nervous.
• Take some time each day to do
something for yourself. Read, listen to
music, telephone friends, or exercise.
• Eat healthy foods and do not skip
meals.
• Find caregiver resources in your area
early. You may not need their
information or services now, but you
will have them, when you need them.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Administration on Aging
• Don't be afraid to ask for help. And
don't do it all yourself. Use your
family, friends, or neighbors for
support. Family may help share
caregiving tasks. Friends and
neighbors may help with other
chores.
Caregiving can take a toll on you!
Research suggests that the physical and
emotional demands on caregivers put them
at greater risk for health problems:
• Caregivers are more at risk for
infectious diseases, such as colds
and flu, and chronic diseases, such
heart problems, diabetes, and
cancer.
• Depression is twice as common
among caregivers compared to noncaregivers.
Caregiver Tip Sheet
- 2 - Administration on Aging | Caregiver Tip Sheet Last Updated: 10/2005
AoA recognizes the importance of making information readily available to consumers, professionals, researchers, and
students. Our website provides information for and about older persons, their families, and professionals involved in
aging programs and services. For more information about AoA, please contact: US Dept of Health and Human Services,
Administration on Aging, Washington , DC 20201 ; phone: (202) 401-4541; fax (202) 357-3560; Email:
aoainfo@aoa.gov; or contact our website at: www.aoa.gov
FOR MORE INFORMATION
Help for family caregivers
The National Family Caregiver Support
Program (NFCSP) started in 2000 as part
of the Reauthorization of the Older
Americans Act to help older adults and
their families. Managed by the
Administration on Aging, funds are given to
aging service provider networks in all
states and territories to help family
caregivers with:
• Information about health
conditions, resources and
community-based long-term care
services that might best meet a
family's needs;
• Assistance in securing
appropriate help;
• Counseling, support groups and
caregiver training to help families
make decisions and solve
problems;
• Respite care so that families
and other informal caregivers
can be temporarily relieved from
their caregiving responsibilities;
and
• Supplemental long-term care
services on a limited basis.
This could include home
modifications; incontinence
supplies; a microwave; air
conditioner (for a caregiver with
asthma or allergies); nutritional
supplements; washing machine;
assistive devices, etc.
To access services under the National
Family Caregiver Support Program contact
your nearest Area Agency on Aging. The
ElderCare Locator can help you find the
nearest one. Call 1-800-677-1116 or visit
www.eldercare.gov.
Taking care of our caregivers: November
is National Family Caregivers Month.
During this month we recognize the nearly
44 million Americans who care for their
relatives, friends, and neighbors.
Some facts about family caregivers
• Caregivers supply nearly 257 billion
dollars a year in services for their
loved ones, such as transportation,
supervision, financial management,
feeding, bathing, lifting, and
toileting.
• Caregivers juggle many roles..
Besides assisting a loved one, most
are married or living with a partner,
have a paid job, and care for a child
or another elder.

Regards,
Alok Tholiya