No one tells you this except Alok ……..

No one tells you this except Alok ……..

Delete if u r sure u will never live to be old :

Whatever is left behind unutilized after your death is the wasteful  hard work and saving done by you….read on 

* U = anyone who is about to be going old including me.

Yes I am growing old fast. Are you aging too?????  ……do we have these things in mind before we really become dependent on family?

My one lady relative in Amer was on bed for years.  Another relative was bedridden for more than 7 years. You must have seen paralyzed, affected with parkinsonism, paraplegic, affected with dementia, sight lost, legs cut due to gangrene, diabetes, brain dead, stroke, Cancer, HIV  etc etc… but no one thinks this can happen to ….

My own mother was ailing for 3 yrs. My Daddy is also not well for last 3 months. In old age/ when u are ailing / bed ridden:

1.      U* need someone who can give valuable time to ailing old U.  Do you have that someone??

2.      U need to talk/ chit chat  ( while your hearing will be  poor, you may develop  cognitive difficulties, u can’t understand what they r saying, they get irritated, angry ( and most likely u r irritated, angry, blaming, dissatisfied) , but still u need someone to give time, chit chat, listen. Do you have that someone??

3.      Ailing oldies forget sense of hygiene and they may do bed wetting, they need to use bed pot/ pan, their eyes, mouth, hands have to be washed by someone??? Do you have that someone??

4.      In old age U may need to be on diapers which will cost about Rs. 6000/- p.m. and another Rs.  6000 to 18000 pm u may be required to spend on bai /maid / helper if u don’t have someone from family to do this necessary work or you may be lying in shit and su su for hours. Are you prepared??

5.      You have to be given medicines time to time. My daddy is on about 15 tablets to be given at different times. How does one remember?? Before meals, after meals, after tea time, before sleeping, if u have acidity then this additional if you have weakness then this too, if there is a fever then that too etc etc.  Luckily now medicine scheduler plastic boxes are available in market. But to use that too u need help of someone who has time and inclination. Are you ready for all this with that someone? That someone cud be ur son, daughter,  daughter in law, grand children, neighbour , old trusted friend, old reliable staff or u should be willing to pay for hired maid which costs Rs 15000/- for a month ( Rs 250/- per shift per day x 2 shift x 30days ) .Are u prepared.

6.      Your vision may go weak. Your body may  shiver, legs may tremble , you may easily get off balance and fall so :

a)      You have to keep walking area, passages, toilets etc obstruction free for walk and have to keep them well lit.

b)     You have to keep rods / support bar etc fitted in toilets.

c)      Toilets/ passages should be motorable (popularly known as handicap access) ?? Meaning if need be then your wheel chair must be able to move easily.

d)     You must have sufficient place to store sticks/ tripods/wheel chair/ pots/ pans etc .

e)      You must have (too ambitious idea??) a nice sit out/ chowk/ common area with sun rise and sun set and other activities (home or on road) visible or u will die in suffocation in kal Kothari??  My grandfather used to sit in sit out which is about 150 sq feet on first floor facing highway. Morning sun and evening set was easily visible. The staircase approach was from that sit out. Anyone coming or going from our floor would see him and talk to him. He would have tea with other neighbors’ there. He would keep Mishri in a bottle (say sugar candy) and distribute to small children in building who would visit him when he was sitting alone in sit out. Then children’s will play around him and thus he cud pass time easily. He was a serious reader of newspaper and kept himself updated. Once my friend Manoj visited me and as I was away he had to wait for me for a long time. Dadaji (Grandfather) started chatting with him. When I came Manoj told me that at this age of 95 yrs Dadaji has all latest info and was even discussing about my career in pharma besides on other latest topics. He would sit for 2 to 3 hours in meditation and mala japana.   

Have u taken care of all this?????????? Can u meditate and spend ur few hours daily, can u befriend young, children in some attractive / impressive way? Do your well-wishers have access to you?? I find most flats are so made that even interested well wisher too cant visit u without disturbing all in family which neither visitor nor family members (I won’t dare / inappropriately blame bahu / daughter in law).So a sr. citizen is dumped ( ???) . That would be  wrong to say as when he was about to be a senior citizen at that time he  did not select right house / room, he failed to plan his old / ailing phase and thus  he can’t see many faces, does not  get opportunity to talk to various people / talk on various topics , can’t see activity of family/ neighbors’/ road.  

7.      Even if you don’t have sufficient balance/ assets but need not disclose and if u have then too sleep over it. Keep sufficient bank balances, assets etc in your name and make a will which is not disclosed. Even Osho said money is not everything but it does have its own power, strength and warmness. Without it u may be left to chill high and dry.

8.      Keep very good relations with those friends, relatives, neighbors ,staff  who have time for you , who will visit you often or wish for your well being and or do something ( by word, deed or other means) things which will improve your comfort*** , check if things (without hurting your own family members) are all right .

But normally I have seen one likes to mix with high funda , HS ( high society) , high post  persons, persons who charm you with their post ,personality and wealth  but they are too busy to spare time  once you are permanently bedridden ( lost value). So also (be it HS or LS) keep in touch with those simple but kind hearted, compassionate, human who are nice to all .why I say so?? One who is nice to all will also always be nice to you but those who are shrewd,   different with different people, different in different circumstances are opportunists/ dual personality and may change colour when u need them and they don’t need u) .

9.      In old age many have to be hospitalized frequently. My mother was hospitalized 5 times in 2 yrs.

Have u / your family/ friend/ neighbor/ staff have kept tel. nos. of ambulance etc ready?

 My father is surviving today because:

                                                        I.            My neighbor saw him in desperately gasping/ breathless position and woke us up at 2 am. (Ours is olden type of house where each room opens in common passage and there r neighbors too living in adjacent rooms).

                                                      II.            I had in my mobile all tel. nos. of ambulances. But incidentally only Tops responded and came in no time. (I don’t think even today anyone in my family has ambulance nos.  ready with them , check if u and ur family members have???)

                                                    III.            We swiftly shifted him to casualty in a good hospital whom I knew will give very good emergency care and stabilize him without first asking for money and wasting time. I salute Hindujas for this gift (facility) to my city and several times they have proved to be more than expectations.

                                                   IV.            Credit card for immediate purpose for admission and other payments and health insurance of good value are next rescuers.

Do u have such neighbors’, alarm, tel. no’s of ambulance, knowledge of good hospital (and their ethical way of charging), credit card, health insurance??????  (If this mail is waking u up abt health insurance then be loyal and thankful by buying health insurance from me if u are in India and specially in Mumbai).

10.  If u have not done / seen a particular type of work and specially something like changing clothes soaked in potty of adult person then how will u be able to do it when required??

Therefore if you keep your elders like grandparents, parents with you and attend to them nicely then chances are your children will become familiar / aware/ responsible and all hesitation will vanish when u become old and dependant. If your children have not seen you sparing time for sr. citizens, bearing their tantrums, helping in their difficulties, running for their well being then chances are they will not be able to cop up with all that when u become bedridden. In that case book a place in old aged home which guarantees good comfortable stay for life time.

11.   Teeth: Most people neglect their teeth rather spoil them purposely by chewing all that junk, paan, paan masala, tobacco, etc..Jainism strictly wants you to not to keep your mouth jhuta ( chewing / food ). As Jainism is more of science and way of living and not a religion it tells you many do and don’ts for day to day healthy life style. So if you keep your mouth full of all junk like tobacco, frequent tea etc then they are likely to be spoilt faster than your age. Finally eating normal food becomes difficult. And then you have to depend only on soft or liquid food. Person with healthy teeth can eat well and get full nourishment. I have seen many sr. citizens unable to eat many things and often normal food also has to be grounded well in mixer grinder as they can’t chew food properly. Keep your teeth healthy for your old age. And if spoilt then do not hesitate to go for dentures / implants at right time as delaying too much will make difficult to go for them. Consult Dr. Aksha Jain (dentist) the best implantologist I know. Write to me for her email id. 

12.   If you have sufficient money for secured old age then start giving attractive things in your life time to your daughter in law etc as after you it will be theirs but you are not there to get positive reaction of same. Many parents leave Jagir / saltanat/ huge wealth for heirs but do not give small bit of it in gift on occasion / exam results  to children / relatives/ staff with their own hand. Do it and see joy and change in attitude and improved relationship.

Do not want to go on and on. The mail is already very long. But pl. write back to me in few words your point of view on this mail. This has taken my many hours. Pl. spend two minutes to evaluate if u have read.