Saturday, October 2, 2010

Fw: Sorry for sending long, very long mail.But pl. read and help by sending ur valueable suggestins and comments.......Alok



 

IN THE COURT OF SMALL CAUSES COURT AT MUMBAI

BANDRA BRANCH

C.R.NO. 35

R.A.E. SUIT NO. 864 OF 2004

 

 

            1. Mrs. Saroj Tholiya …age 82 years… and 2 others.……….Plaintiffs

                     (Co owners)

                                  V/s.

 

  1. Mrs. Shakuntala N. Purohit age 75 yrs. and 3 others……..Defendants

(Heirs of the then tenant of approx. 180 sq. ft. area having rent of just Rs. 42.50/- p.m. but living in Palatial Bungalow in Jaipur)

 

Tuesday, July 15, 2008 matter was called out at 11 am

 

Hon. Judge,

Namaskar.

 

I would like to draw kind attention of yourgoodself to following facts:

 

Pl. refer to my earlier letter on delay tactics by advocates of Tenants. Today i.e. on July 15 2008 Ad. Pawar presented new application to file additional documents. My Advocate opposed the same on the ground that they have already taken over 9 months to just submit the documents but have not done so. He pointed out that they are purposely trying to delay the matter and hence this application. He further drew attention of Yourhonour to the fact that matter is expedited as per circular from high court on the ground of age of one of the defendants and one of the plaintiffs.

To this Ad. Pawar sarcastically made two remarks and kept repeating the same and tried to humiliate us by saying:

 

  1. Your honor the matter is just of 2004.
  2. The lady is just sitting at home and the sons just keep filing cases after cases and try to take advantage of age of the mother.

 

Respected Sir,

At this moment I immediately got up to challenge him, to falsify his averments and his blatant lies to mislead and prejudice Hon. Court . But Ad. Pawar rudely asked me to sit down saying since my Advocate is present I can not say anything. As I was not allowed to speak I am writing this letter to clarify my stand on his statements and also I seek some clarifications. First are my replies to his above two humiliating statements.

1.  A)    Your honor, It was the decision of whole parliament to grant expeditious status to all cases/ take on priority all cases of sr. citizens. The law ministry wrote to all state government to start special courts for Sr. Citizens  in their states. Our state govt. sent the letter to high court who in turn instead of starting special courts found a better system and advised all courts to take up cases of Sr. Citizens expeditiously.

Sir, this is a blanket order. Where is a scope at the level of trial court to belittle this extra ordinary circular of High court or wishes of supreme body of our nation the Hon. Parliament and malign us in turn on seeking speedy redressal of our grievances as one of the plaintiff and one of the defendants are aged 75 years and above.?  

 

     B) Present world is so fast and compititive.What generations could not do are being done in jiffy.In such era of time is money the four year lost is meaningless to Mr. Pawar. If Bill Gates, Ambanis, Tatas, Shahrukh, Aamir  or researchers or scientists were to loose 4 years ( and 18 years in other suit) like this of there life then world economy, progress and development would have come to a stand still.  These advocates too seem to know meaning of time and make best by taking innumerable assignments  but  not remaining present ( atleast not prepared) in any of them.And their parameters are differant for litigants specially of opposite side.I won't be so mean to wish that these Advocates too loose their precious years in some of litigations and then hesitate to say in year 2008 "Your honour the matter is just of 2004" and when the case is not even half way thru.

2.       Your honor my mother had atleast come to the court once when she filed application to expedite the present suit but most often even young defendants have remained absent and they have even been represented unauthorizedly by one Harish Chadda.

B) The fact is that this building was purchased by our family in the year 1978. Since than this is the first suit which we have filed against any of our tenants.

There have been some very very good tenants more then family members and we enjoy very good relations with them even long after they have left the building.

They are: Shri Vivek Mehta (Business Head and V. P. L. & T.): Shri Narendra Gupta (Retd.  Manager: W.R.); Shri R. N. Goyal (Retd. V.P. Piramal Mills); Mrs. Amrit Arora; Shri N. B. Pillai etc . . . . These are the people who still visit us in the building and leave without seeing other tenants. Incidentally only we get invited to function and parties in their house and vice versa. But unfortunately they left for better houses as they have risen in life to great heights. We are all together in all sukh dukh. But now we are left with bad tenants. But inspite of left with bad tenants we have not filed any case except this one. We may be encouraged to file more cases (of course on genuine and serious grounds only) if we are sure to see fate of these cases in our life time.

 

Your honor, I am enclosing profile of our tenants in other building known as Saburi Building . These profiles were ready as I had prepared them  for circulating in area and to press  to create public awareness that not all landlords ( as branded by media) are bad and that not  all tenants are suffering ( rather are causing sufferings). On the scale of 1 to 10 I can give them Grade 5 and to tenants left in Tholiya Bhavan I can not grade them even 10 ( they  are much worst then tenants in Saburi Building .Yet we have not filed cases on others in Tholiya Bhavan. Shortly I will be preparing profile of our tenants in Tholiya Bhavan too who are worst then tenants in Saburi.

 

Now few clarifications and humble suggestions:

Honorable sir,

I can understand if litigant is not allowed to speak / intervene when the issue is sub-judice / meaning discussion on matter / facts of cases are on. But when there is a breach of privilege, when irrelevant points are raised, sarcastic comments are made, comments on personality/ integrity or status are made/ comments to prejudice, belittle the opposite party is made  then the affected party must be allowed to raise point of privilege / point of order.

Sir, very often our own Advocate may not know the facts if comments outside the purview of suit is made like the above comment that sons (while I am the only son) of old lady keeps filing suit after suit (while this is a first suit in 30 long years). And all advocates are not aggressive. Some other do not want to make a scene or hurt others. But Sir, lie allegation thrown on your face, comments hurled on you belittling you hurts. Has shelter provider done any crime by giving you a shelter and then get such undeserving comments inspite of doing always good   inspite of being always good.( Only a secret survey can prove my claim).

Sir, I will welcome them to fight their case on merit and facts and I won't try to poke my dirty nose in between. But can not take any more insulting statements full of lies lying down. Can not allow their smart modus operandi to delay the case. Pl. do away the system where person directly hurt can not speak before Hon. Court.

Sir, even any ordinary M.P. can interrupt the whole proceedings of august parliament / or interrupt Hon.  P.M. or get heard in between if he has valid point to rise (thru point of Order or point of privilege). Can't we the litigants get such rights? Do we have to bear all  humiliation  and get  maligned at the hands of Advocate not fighting on issues?

 

V.IMP:  If not then pl. advise Advocates Bar Association to every month have one training session in familiarizing and understanding court procedures and protocols : Rights and duties of litigants etc.. They can even charge token fee for same.

Sir, I had an opportunity to attend course in parliamentary procedures when I was in collage. By the way I had also won Best parliamentarian Award with my co-member Shri Nayan Shah (now leading Builder) in "Inter Jaycees Club Mock Parliament" organized by Malabar Hill Jaycees. The judges were Hon T.K. Tope (The then Vice Chancellor University of Mumbai), Hon. Shri Y. P. Trivedi (Legal Luminary) and Hon. Shri Nana Chudasama (Ex-Sheriff of Mumbai).Similarly there are counseling for patients and relatives before operation. Every day we read about several lectures on health held in various parts of city.

But we get no opportunity to learn the court  procedures and protocols and keep suffering in silence. 

 

 

 

Profile of My Tenants:

 

Chandrama Shukla:

 

This man was my grandfather's regular customer. Sweet spoken. Was a milkman popularly known as Dudhwala bhaiya.

One day (in around 1976) he approached my grandfather saying he lost most of his cows in a disease. With only two of them left he told he did not find the supplying milk to other shopkeepers. He requested my grandfather to allow him to sit on open otla (open front balcony) for 3 hours everyday and allow him to retail his milk. On the ground of mercy and 2 liters of milk everyday my grandfather allowed him. Soon he started sitting whole day. Then he created a booth. Soon he sublet the booth to third party at Rs. 1200/- per month to run a tea and snacks business/ eatery. When we objected he went to court and filed a declaratory suit to declare him as tenant at Rs. 40/- per month (the standard rent fixed by law) .The suit went on for 15 years. He kept on increasing rent from his subtenants but paid nothing to us pending judgment from court. The day court framed issues and he realized that he had no document, evidence or witness in his favor he came to me to have compromise. He demanded Rs. 1 lac to leave the otla. ( In 1995 one lac had more value then today's 10 lac). When I consulted my advocate and friends (expert in property matters and the delaying courts) they advised me to pay and get back the possession of my own premises as they explained me that after loosing here he may go to two bench appeal court. Then will go to High court and then to…..Which is more expensive and time consuming then paying him..

I paid my hard earned money to a person (who cheated my grandfather who had extended help to him and also pulled him in court for more then a decade) and misused Indian court's delaying system to his advantage.

 

Only great thing about him is (unlike Kishansingh Chohan) he did not further encroach on our other area and neither broke his commitment once agreed to vacate for Rs. 1 lac.

 

Mrs. Bina Chowdhari:

25 years back I was Dealer of fans and appliances. I had paid dealership deposit of orient fans. When I changed my business activity I wrote to them to refund my dealership deposit of Rs. 5000/-. When months wait and several follow-ups went in vain I wrote to MRTP , New Delhi . With in 15 days came the rep. of Orient fans and handed me over a cheque and requested a letter for withdrawal of my complaint .There are several such incidences where I had to approach Ombudsman of Banks and insurance etc. and ( for myself or for others) and the results were there.

Now these grievances redressal cell have themselves become harassment tools and delay devils. Be it consumer courts, MRTP. Motor Accident Tribunal, Ombudsman or any other similar agency. Nowhere there is a fear of these agencies and one who is taking ride of yours will rather become more empowered to harass you by misusing these machinery otherwise created to help redress issues of innocent suffering citizens.

Worst of all is Indian Judiciary .Indian Judiciary is one institute which lectures and sermons all but does not look with in. The corruption, delay and misuse of judicial system is rampant. Advocates take fee in advance and then are never bothered to prepare and assist the client. Client has to chase and follow-up. For no reason they keep asking for adjournments and same is granted without even raising eyebrows. Half the precious time of courts is wasted in calling out matter and then adjourning the same. There is no penalty for seeking any number of adjournments. So if you want to harass any one (like tenants do ) just file a case on false ground asking for extra rights and then see that landlord is pulled to court for a decade or two. Then keep asking high compensation for withdrawing the case or let him suffer.

Mrs. Bina Chowdhari (tenant of premises on first floor admeasuring 700 sq. ft. commercial area having to pay rent of only Rs. 137/- per month) filed a case against me in 1990 claiming tenancy to Terrace, exterior walls and staircase leading to first floor. An injunction was granted to her promptly. She has no paper, document, rent receipt or tenancy agreement to support her claim that terrace or exterior walls etc. is tenanted to her. But still she could get injunction to help fulfill her dream of harassing and squeezing landlord by misusing our judicial system. There after she has been asking for adjournments or filing interim notices / application to delay the matter. In her case I filed application for expediting the matter on grounds of one of the landlords and defendant (my mother) being senior citizen. Even this application was stalled by her for five years. Finally matter was labeled to be expedited but yet her delay tactics continue. The Hon. Court either sympathizes with tenant, or old or person looking poor. In her case she is tenant, old and successfully pretends to be poor (as she dresses shabbily) and on the top is widow. Her lawyer once asked for an offer. We offered her Rs.70 lacs to vacate this old dilapidated building which is in the state of falling (as per the report of court commissioner and court appointed architect), Fire brigade and many other experts. Alternatively we also offered to rebuild the building and give her back tenanted area as per our records. But she is asking for Rs.2 crores where as there are 2 other tenants also. That means for my own ground floor shops which are officially commercial ( there are 7 rooms ) and for paying property taxes, assessment taxes and looking after the property, and investing in same time and money for decades I get not more then  tenants who have residential area or unauthorized area in hand. Is not this a black mail?

In the meanwhile condition of building built in 1942 and not maintained due to rent act is becoming bad day by day and if falls then will cause heavy loss to life and property.

 

 

 

Kishansingh Chauhan

 

My Grand father was running besides other business a Jawahar Hotel too. As he could not manage the hotel he shut it down. One of the workers of a hotel   Kishansingh Chauhan's father came down from Rajasthan and pleaded to continue job of his son Kishansingh saying that they will all die if Kishan is not able to send money to them in their village which is affected with draught. After deliberations my grandfather gave him a stall of 6'x 6' on open space of compound to run a tea stall at monthly compensation of Rs. 150/-.He gave his hotel licence, his crockery and furniture of hotel to Kishansingh

.

Kishansingh filed a suit in around 1980 in small causes court asking to declare him a tenant and took certain injunctions. There after in the name of protecting from rain and sun he put plastic sheets around stall. After few years replaced plastic with talpatri and then put up cement sheet. And in few years he illegally encroached and enclosed the whole south side of open space. Now stands there is renovated Hotel named as a Ranjit Hotel.

In 1989 I purchased the said building from landlord and tried to keep good relations with all tenants and trespassers. Around 1998 Kishansingh called me up and requested for Rs. 10000/- as his wife had to under go emergency operation. He promised to me that he will refund the money to me with in 15 days. Inspite of constraints at my end I raised the money from mother etc. and lent it to him. Till today about 10 years have passed he has not sent back a single rupee.

This January he approached me with another offer. He said his two daughter's are to be married and that he too is not keeping well. He offered to vacate the premises and surrendered back to me if I give him Rs. 60 lacs. After negotiations amount was settled at Rs. 40 lacs. We fixed a date for a deal where I will pay him and he will vacate simultaneously. Just before 3 days of this date he came to me saying that he had kept a subtenant ( a tailor ) and he has to refund his deposit and also marriage has arrived in the family so he needs Rs. 6 lacs. He promised to keep his word on date fixed. As a commitment he brought with him reputed area leader of Congress Shri Suresh Thakur.

I told him to hand over me the possession of the area of tailor and in turn I will pay the Rs. 6 lacs. Next day at about 10 p.m. he called me at tailor shop in my building and handed over the possession of that shop admeasuring merely 40 sq. ft. to me. In turn I took him to my neighboring shop Saraiya Cleaners and handed him over Rs. 6 lacs in the presence of Mr. Saraiya and Kishansingh's  son  in law etc.. so that marriage of his other daughters could be performed without hitch.

After taking this money once again he failed to keep his word and did not vacate. I am still waiting for refund of my money (of course with interest) as I too am paying interest.

And in court even after 25 years matter lingers on. I have no hope of justice from courts and delayed justice is justice denied.

We see in film Gandhigiri works but in real life especially in case of such persons no Gandhigiri works.

 

As per tenants, courts, govt. and newspapers everyone should make money except shelter providers (the landlords):

 

Dattatraya Tobacco Shop (Run by Mrs. Lalita Liladhar Chougule)

 

After I purchased the Dias Building in 1989 (now named as Saburi Building by me) I continued to keep good relations with the tenant Shri Liladhar Chougule running Pan Bidi shop named as Dattatraya Tobacco Shop. Unfortunately the proprietor Liladhar Chougule died of Cancer. His sons started running the shop but forgot to pay rent. I thought that since they may be ignorant about importance of having a rent receipt and paying a rent in time I advised them to pay the rent regularly which is just Rs. 40/- p.m. and collect the receipt. I also advised them to write for my record a letter requesting me to change the name of tenancy in their mother's name. When they wrote to me I changed the name without asking for a rupee or without delay and offered even a cup of tea. Here it is important to note that after sad demise of my Grandfather I had to bow down, heavily follow up and pay speed money to every single govt. authority for change of name on licenses / certificates etc. be it Sales tax dept., BMC licence dept., shops and Establishment dept., Rationing office, profession tax dept., probate dept. of high court, land records dept, assessment dept. of B.M.C., Death certificate dept of B.M.C., City survey office etc. etc. None showed sympathy on sad demise of my beloved grand father who had kept good relations with most of them. I am sure even heirs of Liladhar Chougule must have paid heftily and happily to concerned govt. officials for name change. But here I offered them a cup of tea and without asking any favor transferred the name of deceased tenant to his heir. But as a landlord I am a bad person in the eyes of neighbors, newspapers and law.

As fate has in store for landlords here again I had to suffer. After the youngsters took over the business they added several other activities to their business without any permission. They made loft and have sublet same @ 5000/- p.m. to a shoe shopkeeper as godown. Storage of shoes be it synthetic or leather are inflammable. They have not taken required Fire dept. licence or other licence for doing so. They have also taken two P.C.O.'s (Tel. no. 26689316 and 66979675) without owner's N.O.C. and are earning well from them. They have also sublet front of their shop to panwala (betel vendor).This is over and above their own ancestral business of cigarette and tobacco etc. So their net monthly income is above Rs. 25000/- easily but they are very irregular in paying rent of just Rs. 40/- p.m. It is well known fact that all shopkeepers in Mumbai pay in hundreds to local puja / visarjan, dandiya mandals and goons. But to landlord they hate to pay even Rs. 40/- gracefully.

Now we have stopped reminding for rent and stopped following up for same. While all hugely profit making co.'s like MTNL, Reliance Energy, Tata indicom and BMC., Mobile co., gas co. etc. can cut the supplies / services in 60 days we can not do anything like that and rent of Rs. 40/- pm is pending since January 2007.

Inspite of being a loss making landlord if I have to file a case for recovery from defaulting tenant then first I have to pay to Advocates fee of Rs. 25000/- or more. Then spend years in court. And after that if tenant starts paying then you do not get anything in relief and all your time and money goes in vain.

Last year I had called a meeting of all the three tenants/ trespassers for inviting suggestions and views on repairs and reconstructions. Only one of them attended.

Finally I approached Dinesh Chougule tenant of this 144 sq. ft. stall. He unashamedly demanded one flat and one small stall against letting us develop this falling building (built in 1942). Not even owners of shops in housing society demand that high to builders. But for newspapers, and legal system in India Tenants deserve sympathy and the shelter providers get the boot.

 

Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya ( S.E.O.),



Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Fw: handicap Access



Dear Sir,
Jai Hind,
 
We admire your concern for the handicapped. We value your thoughts. We will be happy to have you as our torch bearer on this issue. Kindly formulate a plan and discuss.
 
Col Tejandra Pal Tyagi

 
On 3/2/09, Mr Alok Tholiya <tholiya@yahoo.com> wrote:
Wow. It is a dream suggestion for me. I will take it further and ensure it is implemented in India too.
When in Hongkonk on tour I found sr. citizen and handicapped wheeled around in most tourist places be it garden or other sight seeing but in India we dont find same. They have to live a secluded life. I dont know how one can enjoy without their other incapaciteted members around.If not always then atleast occassionally.
 

Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya (S.E.O.),

 

BRSP shoud take up demand of Handicap acccess.


 


From: Porus Dadabhoy <porusdad@yahoo.com>
To: Mr Alok Tholiya <tholiya@yahoo.com>
Cc: Behram Pastakia <bpastakia@aol.com>
Sent: Sunday, 1 March, 2009 10:47:36 PM
Subject: Re: handicap Access

If you review by Web Search Handicap Access you will get information on this issue, federal law, state law, cases, how applied, construction regulations, public access am also forwarding a source in India with information. along with the E mail of Dr. Pastakia in Washington D.C.

India has Rent Control in cities similiar to California and some cities based on home rule. Hence you are facing these problems.

I built a hotel and by law I needed entrance that a person could enter on a wheel chair, a percent of romms for handicap bathroom and shower facilities,handicap alarm,  and an elevator for the second floor. That is the law..and we follow it.

All Federal, State, Public Buildings, Polcie Stations, Municipal houses, court houses, stadiums, universities, schools, railroad stations, airports, hotels, public places ,any public place must be built or modified to provide this access. Japan has taken this further and its entire public transport rail lines are geared to handicap access to the blind.

Taxi cabs ,school buses, transport sytem can even handle this. Scholl buses with lifts to take handicap children to school so they become independent.

We had a visitor from India and he put her up at the local Hindu Temple as it had hnadicap access. All temples must have it. She stayed there and even found a partner in the U.S. and have returned as a married couple back to serve India.

Sincerely,

Porus N. Dadabhoy
VP India Development Coalition of America.

Two of the finest doctors I have worked with and administer health programs at major hospitals had polio and come and work like regular people.    

Alexander School in Colaba is geared for handicap access.

Porus
Flag this message

Re: Wheel Chair

Sunday, March 1, 2009 8:52 AM
Dear Porus:

This is a very pertinent topic to help the Handicapped in India.
I have discussed it with Dr Bhushan Punani at the Blind Peoples Association in
Vastrapur, Ahmedabad, Gujarat, India and reviewed the laws.

Do give me a call and we can explore further.

Best,
Behram
=====

Phone: 301 493 9131


--- On Sun, 3/1/09, Mr Alok Tholiya <tholiya@yahoo.com> wrote:
From: Mr Alok Tholiya <tholiya@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: handicap Access
To: porusdad@yahoo.com
Date: Sunday, March 1, 2009, 8:11 AM

Great suggestion about petitionong govt. However pl. explain in detail what is handicap access


 
Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya (S.E.O.),

From: Porus Dadabhoy <porusdad@yahoo.com>
To: tholiya@yahoo.com
Sent: Sunday, 1 March, 2009 9:30:12 PM
Subject: handicap Access

Senior issue and issue of handicap people in India.

In the U.S. all public places MUST HAVE ( mandatory)have handicap access whereas in India all public places may have VOLUNTARY. This law needs to be changed in India.

American entities even overseas are bound by this law..i.e. embassy, majority owned corporations, etc.

Besides wheel chairs India needs  to make its nation available for Handicap Access.

I hope your seniors citizens group will petition the government and the UN for a Universal Law,Also make Mumbai Handicap Access to increase tourist trade.

If India wants to shine it needs handicap access.

Porus Dadabhoy

 


Caregivers don't forget to care for yourself


Don't forget to care for yourself. Here

are a few tips:

When it comes to their health, caregivers

are less likely than their peers to take steps

to prevent or control chronic disease.

Taking care of your own health will help you

to better care for your loved one longer.

Be wise – immunize.

o Influenza (flu) vaccine: The

CDC recommends that

caregivers of the elderly get one

each year.

o Pneumococcal vaccination: For

most caregivers, one will last a

lifetime.

o Tetanus booster: Get one every

ten years.

Don't neglect your health.

o Get a yearly check-up and the

recommended cancer

screenings (mammogram,

cervical screening, etc.).

o Tell your doctor that you are a

caregiver.

o Tell your doctor if you feel

depressed or nervous.

Take some time each day to do

something for yourself. Read, listen to

music, telephone friends, or exercise.

Eat healthy foods and do not skip

meals.

Find caregiver resources in your area

early. You may not need their

information or services now, but you

will have them, when you need them.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration on Aging

Don't be afraid to ask for help. And

don't do it all yourself. Use your

family, friends, or neighbors for

support. Family may help share

caregiving tasks. Friends and

neighbors may help with other

chores.

Caregiving can take a toll on you!

Research suggests that the physical and

emotional demands on caregivers put them

at greater risk for health problems:

Caregivers are more at risk for

infectious diseases, such as colds

and flu, and chronic diseases, such

heart problems, diabetes, and

cancer.

Depression is twice as common

among caregivers compared to noncaregivers.

Caregiver Tip Sheet

- 2 - Administration on Aging | Caregiver Tip Sheet Last Updated: 10/2005

AoA recognizes the importance of making information readily available to consumers, professionals, researchers, and

students. Our website provides information for and about older persons, their families, and professionals involved in

aging programs and services. For more information about AoA, please contact: US Dept of Health and Human Services,

Administration on Aging, Washington, DC 20201; phone: (202) 401-4541; fax (202) 357-3560; Email:

aoainfo@aoa.gov; or contact our website at: www.aoa.gov

FOR MORE INFORMATION

Help for family caregivers

The National Family Caregiver Support

Program (NFCSP) started in 2000 as part

of the Reauthorization of the Older

Americans Act to help older adults and

their families. Managed by the

Administration on Aging, funds are given to

aging service provider networks in all

states and territories to help family

caregivers with:

Information about health

conditions, resources and

community-based long-term care

services that might best meet a

family's needs;

Assistance in securing

appropriate help;

Counseling, support groups and

caregiver training to help families

make decisions and solve

problems;

Respite care so that families

and other informal caregivers

can be temporarily relieved from

their caregiving responsibilities;

and

Supplemental long-term care

services on a limited basis.

This could include home

modifications; incontinence

supplies; a microwave; air

conditioner (for a caregiver with

asthma or allergies); nutritional

supplements; washing machine;

assistive devices, etc.

To access services under the National

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your nearest Area Agency on Aging. The

ElderCare Locator can help you find the

nearest one. Call 1-800-677-1116 or visit

www.eldercare.gov.

Taking care of our caregivers: November

is National Family Caregivers Month.

During this month we recognize the nearly

44 million Americans who care for their

relatives, friends, and neighbors.

Some facts about family caregivers

Caregivers supply nearly 257 billion

dollars a year in services for their

loved ones, such as transportation,

supervision, financial management,

feeding, bathing, lifting, and

toileting.

Caregivers juggle many roles.

Besides assisting a loved one, most

are married or living with a partner,

have a paid job, and care for a child

or another elder.


 
Regards,
Alok Tholiya

Problems of caregivers Part 1


 


From: hemant thakkar [mailto:hemantat@hotmail.com]
Sent: Sunday, June 22, 2008 3:54 AM
To: expert@poornamwellness.com
Subject: RE: Problems of caregivers Part 1

 

Hi Hitesh,

Please fully read and EDIT the contents of this email before forwarding it to Mr.Alok. I am writing it in a slightly strong language with you as the reader in mind. So, you decide how you want to present it to Mr.Alok.

Firstly, I acknowledge the commitment of the family members to support the caregiver and also empathise with the practical complexities of the situation.

The way I see it, the caregiver needs some respite. When I say respite, I am not talking about few hours a day, I am talking about a complete respite from caring for that person for anything between 3-10 days. I am not sure how the system works in India , but here, they have what they call as respite care centres. So, the way that works is, if a family member is caring for an elderly or disabled member of the family, every now and again depeding upon the individual circumstances of the family, the person who needs care will spend some days in the respite care centre where qualified staff provide them with the full care. That way, it gives the caregiver in the family some time to unwind, relax, catch up with their social commitments, and just spend some time with themselves. If for some reason, it is not possible for the family to send the person needing care to the respite centre, other option is the centre will send staff to the house of the person for what they call as 'home-based-respite'. In this situation, often the primary caregiver goes out of the house for few days, either to a friend's place or on a small holiday to relax and regain their strength. It is really important that the caregiver gets such break every so often especially when caring for a person who needs ongoing long-term care. I insist that the break of just a few hours during a day is not enough. The caregiver needs to physically be away from the person he/ she is caring for. It is vital to the sanity of the caregiver. Also, just a one-off respite is also not enough. The respite should be available at a regular interval throught the care of the person. If there is no such external full time help available, one of the other family members might have to take some days off to give the primary caregiver some respite. Career is important, but probably not more important than the sanity of your family member/s.

As to the father (I assume he also must be in his 80's), why would you want to put him through any sort of course at this stage.  His frustration is quiet understandable. I hear that he gets angry on the caregiver and the other family members, but in some ways it is his anger towards himself, towards his inability to care for his own partner, which he is taking out on others. So long as all the other family members are together on this and are not blaming anybody for the mother's ill health, I don't think father's anger should be their worry. Their focus should be more on the health of the mother and the caregiver, rather than how to deal with father's anger. I know it is easier said than done, but so long as father is not getting physically aggressive towards anybody, he can be safely ignored - i.e. let him do his daily dose of verbal abuse, whilst you train your ears to take them from one end and take it out the other. Make sure that the father's all other needs are met and he has resources available to occupy himself, such as TV, newspaper or whatever else he likes to do. If father is not spending most of the time in the same room as his ill wife, thats even better. If he is physically witnessing the care given by his daughter-in-law all the time, of course, he is going to find faults with it and get angry. If he is in a separate room, even the caregive will be more mentally free and can do her work without the psuchological pressure of being observed all the time.

I honestly, don't know how strongly the family feels for each other, but in some cases, placing the elderly person in a decent rest home, where all their cares can be met by professional staff, is not a bad option after all. I know our samaj says that 'maa-baap buddha thai gaya etle kaadhi mukya', but samaj is not there to see what you are going through. You can still visit the person on a regular basis, and even bring them home every now and again for family functions. So, the family together needs to decide what is best for them keeping in mind that you don't want the person loaded with full time care to fall ill or even worse loose their mental balance.

I am not sure how much of above will be useful to Mr.ALok and his family.

Let me know if I can be of any further help.

Ta
Hemant

 



Subject: Problems of caregivers Part 1

 

Dear Doctors,

Namaskar.

Pl. note that my mother 82 yrs is ill.Caregiving to a bed ridden person and then receiving guests who call on such occassion over and above cooking for six persons ( and gusets if any) is itself tremendous job.Though we have now kept bai for 24 hours and we ( myself, and my dentist daughter and Engineer son besides my staff) too try to assist her but ultimte load is on her as during day time we attend to our career. My wife has been doing that all along while even her own parents are not well.My wife and son have done even cleaning my mother , her clothes,bed  and floor drenched in potty and urine and remained awake whole night when required ( when bai was not there or is absent) . Ispite of all this my father has been unhappy with everything we do . Every now and then angrily he fires us specially my wife. blames us saying we are responsible for her health. My eldest sister ( Director: Makers labs. Ltd., our family friend and doctor Shri Satish Gupta ( MD) and some others have tried to reason out with him but all in vain.]

 

The care giver needs some change of mind, relaxation and appriciation.Others in family and friends and neighbourhood can atleast work to give happy and light environment or atleast not spoil same and demotivate caregivers.But my father ( though very learned, simple and gandhian) does exactly opposite.

Dear All,

How can we handle this situation? Can he be treated for anger management?

How do we over come this situation? Everyone always advise us to bear with all this while they have never taken care of their  own ailing parents and parents in law.Newspapers/ society are just talking of problems of senior citizens ( and I am running a whole organisation known as Varishtha Nagrik Seva Sanstha having 150 members for last four years inspite of not being a senior citizen myself) and no one is talking of problem of care givers.However in USA there are groups and sites for welfare and advise of caregivers.I want our media and social organisations to take note of my point of view and highlight the other side of story too. 

Gist of info on one of the site is given here:

 

Entertainment, Entertaining and Travel

Boredom can sap our intellect and spirit, but you can change this by creating activities that you and your care receiver look forward to and by sharing these with others. There are many activities that frail and disabled older people can enjoy. You can:

  • Check the TV listings and choose your favorite programs to watch each day rather than having the TV going nonstop.
  • Get large print and talking books from the library and read together.
  • Check for special events that are low-cost or free. Invite a friend or family member to join you, preferably one who can drive or help you if your care receiver has a disability.
  • Go out to lunch or the early-bird specials at restaurants.
  • Visit an art-hobby store and see what is available in the way of arts or crafts projects that you and your care receiver can enjoy.
  • Invite family or friends over for dinner or lunch. If you have limited funds to entertain or do not have time to prepare food have them over for dessert or snacks, ask each of them to bring something, or to chip in on a carryout meal.
  • Plan day trips to local places of interest. Again invite a friend or family member to join you.
  • If you can afford to do so, go on a vacation. You can share the adventure and expense with other family members or friends. Many places offer senior discounts. Make sure that they can accommodate your needs, especially if your care receiver is disabled. Large hotel and motel chains now go out of their way to help, if you make your needs known to them. In addition, there are companies and organizations that plan trips for persons with limitations in their mobility. Many travel books have special sections on accommodations, travel, and activities for those with limited mobility.
  • If you have the room, invite friends or family members to come and stay with you for awhile in your home.
  • Check colleges, religious organizations, and community centers for free courses and other activities.
  • Visit museums, galleries, botanical and zoological parks or a petting zoo.
  • If appropriate, get a pet. Your local shelter or humane society has many nice pets available for adoption.
  • Get a computer with Internet access so that you can e-mail friends, join in chat rooms, learn about things that are of interest to you, and enjoy computer games.
  • Ask your local Area Agency on Aging about friendly visitor, volunteer, and telephone reassurance programs.
  • Many fraternal, religious, and social organizations have activities specifically for older people. This can be a great way to extend your circle of friends and supportive network.
     

 

 

Don't forget to care for yourself. Here
are a few tips:
When it comes to their health, caregivers
are less likely than their peers to take steps
to prevent or control chronic disease.
Taking care of your own health will help you
to better care for your loved one longer.
Be wise – immunize.
o Influenza (flu) vaccine: The
CDC recommends that
caregivers of the elderly get one
each year.
o Pneumococcal vaccination: For
most caregivers, one will last a
lifetime.
o Tetanus booster: Get one every
ten years.
Don't neglect your health.
o Get a yearly check-up and the
recommended cancer
screenings (mammogram,
cervical screening, etc.).
o Tell your doctor that you are a
caregiver.
o Tell your doctor if you feel
depressed or nervous.
Take some time each day to do
something for yourself. Read, listen to
music, telephone friends, or exercise.
Eat healthy foods and do not skip
meals.
Find caregiver resources in your area
early. You may not need their
information or services now, but you
will have them, when you need them.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Administration on Aging
Don't be afraid to ask for help. And
don't do it all yourself. Use your
family, friends, or neighbors for
support. Family may help share
caregiving tasks. Friends and
neighbors may help with other
chores.
Caregiving can take a toll on you!
Research suggests that the physical and
emotional demands on caregivers put them
at greater risk for health problems:
Caregivers are more at risk for
infectious diseases, such as colds
and flu, and chronic diseases, such
heart problems, diabetes, and
cancer.
Depression is twice as common
among caregivers compared to noncaregivers.
Caregiver Tip Sheet
- 2 - Administration on Aging | Caregiver Tip Sheet Last Updated: 10/2005
AoA recognizes the importance of making information readily available to consumers, professionals, researchers, and
students. Our website provides information for and about older persons, their families, and professionals involved in
aging programs and services. For more information about AoA, please contact: US Dept of Health and Human Services,
Administration on Aging, Washington , DC 20201 ; phone: (202) 401-4541; fax (202) 357-3560; Email:
aoainfo@aoa.gov; or contact our website at: www.aoa.gov
FOR MORE INFORMATION
Help for family caregivers
The National Family Caregiver Support
Program (NFCSP) started in 2000 as part
of the Reauthorization of the Older
Americans Act to help older adults and
their families. Managed by the
Administration on Aging, funds are given to
aging service provider networks in all
states and territories to help family
caregivers with:
Information about health
conditions, resources and
community-based long-term care
services that might best meet a
family's needs;
Assistance in securing
appropriate help;
Counseling, support groups and
caregiver training to help families
make decisions and solve
problems;
Respite care so that families
and other informal caregivers
can be temporarily relieved from
their caregiving responsibilities;
and
Supplemental long-term care
services on a limited basis.
This could include home
modifications; incontinence
supplies; a microwave; air
conditioner (for a caregiver with
asthma or allergies); nutritional
supplements; washing machine;
assistive devices, etc.
To access services under the National
Family Caregiver Support Program contact
your nearest Area Agency on Aging. The
ElderCare Locator can help you find the
nearest one. Call 1-800-677-1116 or visit
www.eldercare.gov.
Taking care of our caregivers: November
is National Family Caregivers Month.
During this month we recognize the nearly
44 million Americans who care for their
relatives, friends, and neighbors.
Some facts about family caregivers
Caregivers supply nearly 257 billion
dollars a year in services for their
loved ones, such as transportation,
supervision, financial management,
feeding, bathing, lifting, and
toileting.
Caregivers juggle many roles..
Besides assisting a loved one, most
are married or living with a partner,
have a paid job, and care for a child
or another elder.

Regards,
Alok Tholiya


Fw: do not delete ....pl. read when free .....Alok on ..role of Caregivers, well wishers and relivers.....If I dont write bitter then who would????


Dear future caregivers or dependants......or may have to change roll time to time .

I am taking out time to explain to those who at best have been relievers and well wishers (and their roll too is equally important) but mix it with Caregiving.  Caregiving is what Nina and Mrs. Aju mama are doing to name a few. Pl. Understand all names cannot be taken in mail so no one left out should take an offence. These are direct hits but in next decade we will be ourselves dependant parents or will have spouses needing/ giving Caregiving. And all those who read these mails will realise worth of the definition of Caregiving given by me. And hired Caregiving (though rough and crude) is costing nothing less than Rs. 20000/- p.m. (includes bai(maid )basic facilities at home, diapers, etc. And excluding medical expenses which will be mind boggling. Are u prepared????? And therefore (though as per my habit I take my own instances) but am writing all this for greater benefit of all at the cost of losing some relatives and friends as rightly said by you Pratima ( C.A.) my youngest sister.

 

 

Caregivers

Caregivers are people who take care of other adults, often parents or spouses, or children with special medical needs. Caregivers help patients with:

 

1.       Shopping and cooking of patient

2.        Taking them out in open ( be it temple, garden or even in varanda )by holding them or in wheel chair etc. 

3.       Patients  Housekeeping   : cleaning patients room and keeping it hygienic and odourless as much as possible

4.        Cleaning of patient's cloths, bed sheets, pan, vessels soaked in urine, potty, blood, spits, sputum etc.). At times smell and site of these things can really be ruinous. And patient can really keep flowing things out and caregiver keeps cleaning.

5.        Giving medicine as per schedule and one mistake like forgetting BP tablet can cause havoc.. But with overlapping of things same can happen.

6.         helping with toilet activities, bathing , combing and dressing  at times even massaging, applying various skin creams and ointments even at private body parts as they are more sceptical  to infections being bedridden  weak and ailing and flooded with servants , healthcare providers and visitors.

7.       time to time replacing diapers soaked in urine and potty.

8.        attending to frequent calls of thirst, urination, at times vomiting, diarrhea  and these symptoms can be persisting for days and months and caregiver is interrupted while sleeping, eating, cooking etc. etc. for doing needful.

9.        feeding, giving food as per chewing abilities, as per digestion capacity, parhej ( like avoiding salt, sugar, chilli ,oil etc. as per patients health requirements).

10.    Providing company and emotional support. When things become routine and visitors stop coming then caregivers have to be friend too.

 

Caregiving is hard, and caregivers of chronically/ long period ill people often feel stressed. They are "on call" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for may be months and years. Who appreciates the sacrifices and seva (human service) of parents of mentally challenged child / paraplegic/ paralytic member for years on?

To motivate the caregivers all housing societies/ mohalla / communities should institute an award for such caregivers or atleast make support groups. What good are these societies if they were to share and meet only on holi, diwali, garba etc. . And that too without those busy Caregiving.  And newspapers should cover such heroes once a week instead of covering only khans, bachhans, tendulkars everyday.

If you're caring for someone with mental problems like forgetfulness, abusive, angry, non cooperative, ever criticising, with open wounds, infections it can be really be difficult. My request for helping caregivers with tight mahole/ atmosphere was only understood probably by Akhil and Suresh Tauji. But Akhil's intervention had effect only for few days on Daddy.

Support groups (which we don't have in India ) or only matured compassionate people can understand what is Caregiving ..

 

Rest are either:

·          Advisors

·          Visitors

·          Passersby

·          Crowd

·          Curious

·          showing presence that we too visited.

·          enemy wants to see suffering of patient or relative

·          Some become additional responsibility like visiting person may himself be old/ fragile /  sick  and needs Caregiving to some extent or is demanding or spendthrift at the cost of patient or is new to the city ( and wants to do shopping/ hoteling / business/ invites too many other guests etc.) .

 

 

Following are useful but are still not the caregivers:

ü   well wishers / sympathisers/ concerned show that they are part of this  phase, ignore some lapses which are possible for 24X7 caring responsibility. Do not make u feel guilty of lapses, do not highlight unnecessary petty things, do not spoil atmosphere by wrong doings/ saying, shouting, passing comments on efforts, facilities etc.. Rather will help in getting right consultant, maid, patients equipments , massager, discounts in many patients purchases, emergency transport etc.  and thus provide a great help,

ü  Darling Palys: They find suitable time and visit patient and do gup shup/ Chit chat read good books for them (religious or otherwise) , play cards or whatever patient likes.

ü   Relievers:  Mrs. Indumati Shedde a member of my sr. citizens association when heard of maa's sickness made following offer: Alok bhai in case all of you have to go out for few hours then give me a ring. I will come with my dabba and look after her. And till even midnight if u can drop me back home. This is called caregiver reliever but still not caregiver. But this is a great human service and person with great maturity and heart can only understand and offer such services. By the way her husband though retired sr. Citizen himself  regularly visits cancer patients sanatorium at Bandra and spends time with cancer patients, reads newspaper for them, plays with them, spends quality time with them while relatives of many patients have stopped coming but he visits them regularly.


 
Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya (S.E.O.),